To: Baby

To: Baby,

Because The Office is a rerun, I’ve got a little time to type out some thoughts. Now that I’m closing a chapter in my formal education (73 days until graduation), I’m often reminded that, yes, I am indeed a single white female. I got a text today from an old friend and roommate from out on the island. She is having her SECOND baby in a few weeks…boy. This got me thinking, if I were to stay caught up to my older sibs I would be getting married in the next couple months…good thing I’ve never much cared for sibling rivalry.

My new favorite game is to make my mom think everything she says makes me think she’s insinuating that I should be getting married. Miranda likes to make jokes about it too…and Mindy…and Brad occasionally tries to hook me up…well, maybe just once. I called my house the other day and in the background dad asks “Is that Mallory? Does she have a boyfriend yet?!”

My Top 5 Reasons for Thinking About Marriage:

#5 Portion control. It is impossible for me to cook servings for a single person, and I have that disorder where I have to eat everything on my plate (I’m assuming). I can share the love.

#4 To have an excuse my family would accept for me skipping to another country (for the honeymoon).

#3 $$$: Mom always said “Marry for money. You can learn to love’em later”

#2 To get surprises like that cake! (Referring to above photo)

#1 I can NOT wait for the day I can say “sorry dude, I’m married” to the guys who can’t take a hint. (No offense Mr. touchy, or Mr. B.O., or Mr. Sharing a hymn book means true love, or Mr. she’s only playing hard to get, because we are so meant to have babies together)

All said in light hearted fun

Don’t worry folks. I am far from being in the desperate zone. I just think it’s funny. I figured I would either be on a mission or married by now. So, now I’m just living another fun and crazy life I didn’t anticipate. Surprises are the best (honestly said without sarcasm).

Blog ya later :)

From: Your Lover